Bob Schnelker would've been proud

As most know, one of my passions is coaching youth sports, and my favorite sport to coach is Football. This year the Bloomington Association that my son Jake plays in had a draft (instead of a blind draw). Apparently they thought this would make things more fair. Why? Because the good coaches know the good athletes, the bad coaches don't know them or don't care.

At the conclusion of this year's draft, I walked out with '85 Bears, except my QB doesn't say a word. Our team cruised through the first half of the season 6-0 (winning by an average score of 40+ to zero)....allowing only 1 TD.

(this is where the story gets interesting) In game 7, my Walter Payton/Mike Singletary comes down with H1N1. Despite him out, we are leading 16-12 with 2:30 left in the game. I just need to get 1 first down and its over. The other team is crowding the line big time, so I decide to throw a bomb to Willie Gault (aka Jake Zosel) and end it right there. My QB fakes the dive, but the RB runs into him as he's throwing. Pass picked off, they take it to the house, we lose 18-16. 6-1....kids crying, the other team celebrates like 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team on Red Bull.

Fast Forward...we get Payton/Singletary back and run the table to the Championship yesterday. And we play the team that "beat" us.

At no point in my coaching career have I run such a Vanilla offense in my life as I did yesterday...as the title of the blog states it would have made Bob Schnelker blush (former Vikes OC who was under constant scrutiny for bad/conservative play calling).

We threw the ball 2 times (normally we air it out 12-15 times). We ran 4 different plays (no misdirection, no reverses, no hook and ladders, no double passes, no waggles, no spread, no wildcat, no pistol) and won in workman like fashion 34-7. While calling plays, I felt like Steve Sax on a grounder to second, every time I had the down-out-and up called, I'd see that kid takin' it to the house in the previous game and I couldn't spit it out. Instead it was Dive, Sweep, Dive, Crossbuck....touchdown. Dive, Sweep, Dive, Crossbuck....touchdown.

So the next time you're watching a game and your team's Offensive Coordinator/Head Coach stays conservative....cut him some slack. I now know what's in their head....and it ain't pretty.

Yankees/Twins

"...then David reached back and threw the stone and hit the Philistene in the head, knocking him to the ground..."

Here is why this would be the greatest upset in MN Sports History (this is Hickory vs. South Bend Central all over again):

Payroll NYY: $207 Million (down from 209 from 2008)

Payroll MN: $65 Million (up from 56 from 2008)

Opening Game Starter NYY: CC Sabathia (Perennial Cy Young Candidate)

Opening Game Starter MN: Brian Duensing (nothing needs to be said here)

NYY out because of injury: N/A

MN Twins out because injury: Justin Morneau (All Star/MVP), Joe Crede (Former All Star) Kevin Slowey (All Star), and Glen Perkins (#3 starter)

NYY DH: Hideki Matsui

MN Twins DH: Brendan Harris (yes, a backup infielder is hitting DH!!!!!)

They always say defense wins championships. The Twins could put 14 guys out there the rest of the way and it won't matter, we don't have the bats or the arms to compete outside of the laughable AL Central.

I guess winning "Division" Titles versus teams with slightly higher payrolls - Kansas City (70 Mil), Cleveland (85 Mil -- jettisoned a lot of it mid-season), Chicago (96 Mil) and Detroit (113 Mil) - will have to do.

I can just hear Gardy (Coach Dale) saying "my team is on the floor..." after crew chief Tim Tschida comes over with the lineup card and says "Brendan Harris (aka Buddy) at DH???Really?!!!!"

Go Twins (Hickory)

Musings from MN

Needless to say this is one of the crazier weeks in MN sports history. Here are a few thoughts from my perspective on the week that was and hopefully will be...

Last Wednesday the Twins lost Game 3 (0f 4) to the Tigers in Detroit going 3 games back with 4 to go. Without any Major League pitchers (okay, Joe Nathan is Major League), without a guy named Justin Morneau, and the Tigers at home for these last 4, most (including myself) were saying GAME OVER. I was wrong (first time for everything). At this point the rest is history: the Twins win game 4 to inch to within 2 with 3 to go, the Whitey Tidies beat the Tigers 2 out of 3 and the Twins sweep the Omaha Royals to force a game today for the right to play my least favorite team NYY (David and Goliath blog forthcoming).

On Saturday, my favorite team lost to my least favorite team in spirit crushing college football fashion. Next Topic.

Sunday afternoon was the icing on the cake for today's 1 and done playoff with the Tigers.

Add all of this to the circus that was last night at Mall of America Field (what the heck is that anyway?). So while watching my favorite NFL team beat up my least favorite NFL team I check my Facebook account. The swirl of Viking chatter amazes me...this town loves it's Purple. But then I read a tweet by a woman "friend" from Madison....she writes "I wish that ESPN and Brett Favre would just get a room." That's when it hit me (and hopefully her too), that for 16 years we (Vikes Fans) nearly lost our lunch every time the guy completed a pass and the announcers would gush. The ESPN guys were actually doing a pretty good job last night considering the circumstances (Mike Tirico amusingly called it a circus at least 2 times). Until they (Jon Gruden specifically) started talking about how many great throws he had made in practice in years gone by (really?!!! practice, do we really care how he threw a ball in practice 10 years ago....really???). So they show this "never been released" footage of Brett Favre throwing passes in practice in his GB days. Yes, they showed him throw at least ten 40-50 yard passes in practice....probably the worst sports broadcasting moment since the Natalie Gulbis show aired on the Golf Channel in 2007.

All in all, a fun few days up in here in Minny....and we haven't even dropped a puck yet (professionally anyway, my 9 year old has been going strong since August 25)!

If all goes well, another Fave team will be playing my least Fave this week.

Go Twins.

College Football 2009 - Big Style

From the sounds of it, the NCAA has cancelled this year's college football season and has already crowned Florida the National Champions. It's too bad because there were going to be some great stories here in Big Ten country:

1. A once proud program will rise from the ashes in its new stadium.

2. A flash in the pan program will show its weak under belly and fire its young, troubled head coach after he dismantled the program in 3 short years.

3. The Rose Bowl will have a visitor it hasn't had in nearly 50 years.

4. Biggest Disappointment in B10 country may be those wanting tickets....this will be a great season, lots of great games, lots of great players about to be household names.

5. A once proud team with a unique helmet will fail the bowl eligibility exam again this year

6. Indiana is terrible

7. There will be 3 coaches dismissed this year (one before the season ends)...one is cheesy , one is sleazy and one is easy.

8. A lowly recruited WR from Cold Spring, MN will be invited to NYC in early December

9. Coach of the year will be that little Irish guy in Chicago...

Sorry can't think of a tenth.

I love college football.

Go Gophs, beat Syracuse.

Optimistic Prediction for the Gophers (8-4) Realistic Prediction for Gophers (6-6, 3-5)

Hope Sellers

I go off the professional or semi-professional route and take a stab at something new: Hope Sellers.

Ever walk into a youth sports venue lately and notice the hope that is being sold to parents?  In the past two years I have coached several youth sports teams.  But, as each day goes by each kid gets more and more specialized. Today I will tackle two of the culprits of kids specializing in sports at a very young age.

Before I take some well deserved shots at some of the culprits...I need to tell a story of a neighbor boy, let's call him Sue (one of my favorite Johnny Cash Songs).  Sue is by far the most talented kid his age in just about every sport he's ever played:  Hockey, Baseball, (I heard he was awesome at) Soccer, Horseshoes, Lawn Darts, and Bowling (yes, bowling I saw him fire a clean strike at a 7 year old birthday party.)  As they say on TV, Sue is a natural (hand/eye, speed, agility, etc).  Heck, he's even got good blood lines (kinda like a race horse).

Sue has yet to live a full decade of life and his Dad (culprit #1) told me this is his last year of baseball (poor kid hasn't even seen or thrown a curve ball yet and he's getting the hook).  In sadness, our neighborhood 9 just lost one of, if not it's best player.  Why would he pull him out of baseball at such a young age?  Hockey dads know where this is going already.....Sue is going to start playing hockey year-round. You guessed it, 9 years old and his sports world is now down to 1.....Wow. 

Is this all Dad's fault?  Mostly. But, there are other culprits....let's call them secondaries.  The first one is this new cottage industry of Hope Sellers.  People selling parents the hope that their kid is going to play such-and-such sport at the highest level.  One such organization, Minnesota Made in Edina, MN, tells parents that players aren't born they are made!!!!

Hmmmmmm....if they told the truth, "Johnny sucks, save your money!" , I'm sure they'd go out of business.  So, instead, they ignore the obvious fact that a kid like Sue with or without training and dedication is going to go far, but a kid like Johnny will not.  Why?  Johnny sucks and Sue is the bomb.

End of Story.

Why do I write this?  It all went down over the past month on the baseball diamond.  

Over the years, I've coached several baseball teams, taught numerous clinics, and worked  the John Anderson (U of MN) baseball camp in college.  One night at practice while doing drills with my pitchers, a kid says to me, "Coach, my Pitching Coach tells me......." I really don't remember how the sentence ended because I fainted on the spot.  After I was revived, I awoke to another boy telling me...."his pitching coach says he should......" instead of fainting this time, I spoke up.  Boys, if your pitching coach is so great, then why isn't he out here today coaching you?  The smarter of the two boys raises his hand and says, "cuz you don't get paid and he does...".  To that I replied, "Ahaaaaaaa" (sort of like the Jewish Eddie Murphy in Coming to America)!!!!!!!!!' " The kids didn't get my Aha.  But I did. My point:  That guy is trying to make a buck...plain and simple.  So he'll tell any parent, any kid that he's good as long as he's writing a check out to Hope Seller, Inc.  Sorry to go nostalgic here, but what happened to practicing what you learned from your well qualified coach with your dad, mom, brother, neighbor, etc? Today, dad just dumps the kid off and writes some washed up ex-pro a check and calls it a day.  When I was growing up I had some great non-parent coach role models (Wizzy Wyatt, Al Frost, Quincy Brown).  These guys taught us the game, we went home and practiced it with whomever and we said thank you when the season was over.  Over the last two years I have watched way too many kids go the route of Sue at way too early of an age.  

Please, do your kids a favor.  Instead of making them play just one sport....make them play one more sport.  Heck, they may even enjoy it.

Rant over.

The Day the Music Died

Just so you guys know, today is the one day a year that the Kansas City Royals, Pittsburgh Pirates, and Washington Nationals all think that they stand a chance to win their division.

Royals Fan: Yeah Gil Meche is going to win 27 games and lead us back to the promise land!

Pirates Fan: Whathisname (can't even name one Pittsburgh Pirate Player right now) is going to really break out this year, and more than 10,000 fans will show up for a playoff game, and maybe some of Steeler Nation will care.

Nats Fan: This is the year Walter Johnson comes back to life and mows through the National League East.

Yes, baseball fans, its an annual ritual for the bottom feading, bad drafting, bad free agent signing teams to dream.  They scream, "this is our year!" on Opening Day.  And then by May 10 they're looking at who they like in the Preakness.  Heck, Pirates fans might be skipping this weekend's home stand all together just to watch the Masters.  Will Tiger win it?

Aaaaaaaaaaah Baseball is finally here....would someone please throw me the remote, the Yankees and Red Sox are on ESPN, I need to turn the Channel to something else.

Rochester Lourdes' Uniforms

An open letter to the Athletic Director at Rochester Lourdes High School in Rochester, MN:

Dear Sir (or maybe Madam):

I was watching the State High School Hockey Tournament on Wednesday night and could not help but notice the uniforms your team showed up with:

Purple and Gold, nice touch.

3 line stripe theme along the bottom and sleeve, nice touch

Eagle on the chest, nice touch

Here's where the uni takes a major left turn:

Above the stripes you have a Crown and Flame theme going on...not sure there, but it gets worse.

Below the stripe in White is "Lourdes" in block style type, you're losing me here

With all of this purple and yellow and crowns, and eagles the team tops off the color confusion with Royal blue breezers (for my friends outside of MN and still reading this, which is probably no one, a breezer is the padded shorts thing hockey players wear)!  

And to top it off, the squad was sporting White helmets!!

In summary: purple, yellow, eagle, royal blue, crowns and flames, and "Lourdes" on the front.  I did a search for a picture to re-live my nightmare and thankfully nothing is published within the first 3 pages of a google search.  

Here's a suggestion: Purple Helmets, Purple Breezers and go old school with the Eagles (or Lourdes) plus player # on the front.  Of course add the string tie-up on the collar.  The Purple Helmet and Purple Breezer makes your White uni much better as well.

Better luck on next year's edition....its safe to say that they won't last past this year's tournament.

With Regards,

Tony Zosel

Sergeant

Uniform Police

Baseball's Axis of Evil

Pitchers and Catchers reporting to Spring Training gets me thinking about the ice rinks melting, dirty windshields, and roads filled with sand and potholes (i.e. the good life in MN).  As I sit here 3 days from March, the rinks are no where near melted, there is still snow on the roads and the windshield is as clean as a whistle thanks to the 15-20 degree temperature.

If you think that is a downer, imagine being the GM of the MN Twins (Billy Smith).  Everyday you gotta wake up and deal with the Axis of Evil in MLB: Scott Boras (this guy would make Huggy Bear ashamed), Hank Steinbrenner (author of the soon to be best seller, "How I ruined the Yankees") and Donald Fehr (this guy is pictured in Webster's under Extortion).

Boras:  The well known agent who gets under performing free agents $20 million contracts from Baby Hank (almost as hard to do as getting Adam Sandler $20 million after he did Billy Madison, but somehow he does it).

Baby Hank: Pockets so deep that sometimes he trips over them on his way to the Yacht auction.  He signs players because they did well on his fantasy team.  He must be a Knicks season ticket holder, too.

Donald Fehr:  I'm still trying to figure out who this guy is helping...is it the players? If so, I'm happy for the 500 or so guys that are sitting on the best lottery ticket of all time.  He definitely doesn't have the fans best interest or Billy Smith's for that matter.  As long as MLB doesn't have a salary cap, the sport isn't a sport.  Rich teams buy titles.  Little teams manage to stay afloat.  See Haves and Have Nots blog for an education on the disparity in MLB.

I had the chance to meet Billy Smith recently.  I asked him who he dislikes the most of the 3.  His answer was honest but predictable:  Boras is doing job (and he does it well).  Fehr is doing his job (and he does it well).  "Steinbrenner is the one signing the checks, so you do the math." Good stuff Billy, good stuff.

I personally think it's Fehr.  He's the one who has kept the competitive balance in the league out of whack and that's what gets my goat as a fan.  I know it sounds like I'm whining (and I probably am), but its frustrating to watch every other major league sport and know when the season starts that each team pretty much pays their players the same amount of money...give or take 10 to 20 million.  In MLB the scale is disproportionate.

I'm done.

PS I have my first female reader...welcome Michelle (okay, I begged her to be on the list).  She may have a good baseball take or two or 200 (who knows?).

Rudy Martzke on Tom Hamilton

Rudy Martzke is one of my favorite columnists, not because of how he writes, but what he writes about. Rudy (more so in the past than today) writes about broadcasters, broadcast efforts, TV/Radio contracts, etc (the game outside the game per se).

So today, I'm going to do my best Rudy Martzke on a game I watched last night between MN and WI. Broadcast team of Tom Hamilton (yes, the Cleveland Indians radio voice) and Jim Jackson.

Opening set: Hamilton immediately turns off the viewer with possibly the worst pun I've heard since Johnny Carson left his Burbank studios: "Its cold outside, but its going to be hot inside the Kohl Center". Seriously? Same set he tells us that his partner is Jim Jackson, the two-time Big Ten player of the year. This is good information to know, but he told us that he was 2 time BTPOY 3 more times, and 3 other times that he was All BT. Do we really need to be told this 7 times?

Game Notes 1: Hamilton must be reading from a script that reads like a Shampoo bottle:  (insert robotic voice) Say Bo Ryan is a good coach, Say Al Nolen is a good point guard, say The Badgers are 568-3 at the Kohl Center, Lawrence Westbrook is the cousin of Philadelphia Eagle RB Bryant Westrook, (Repeat) Bo Ryan is a good coach....

Game Notes 2: As the play continues Jackson actually adds quality insight as to why WI is handing to MN.  His analysis is spot on, his terminology is fresh and he doesn't have some whacky schtick (I wish more color guys would follow his lead). Maybe because he's my age he also throws in a reference or two from his generation. Last night he made a Chris Jent reference (as much as this guy boiled my blood...it actually was fresh and applicable).

Game Notes 3 (more Hamilton bashing): As the game progresses to our favor, Hamilton stays with the script but tweaks it a hair..."if the Badgers were to lose it will make their record 568-4 at the Kohl Center" and other thought provoking gems like "this win might be a sign of things to come for the entire Westbrook family this week"

Hamilton in Review: I swear his brain can only calibrate so much data, probably because it is so busy waiting for a guy to make a 3 pointer so he can say "Triple" instead of 3 pointer.

Jackson in Review: Very high rank for a second year guy...much better than Kevin Lynch, Mike Kelley.  I'd say he's a rising star (Greg Kelser type).  Don't think he'll make it to Clark Kellogg status, but he's got a future.  Wish he would be a little more opinionated (show some judgement about someone's play).  Like last night, they treated Al Nolen (who played horrible) like a white elephant in the room.  He played terrible, would someone in the booth stand up and say it...please?  Jason Bohanan (aka BoneHead) takes the ball to the basket and tries to win the game with 30 seconds left, only to have it swatted away leading to a game tying set of threes by the Gophers.  Jackson needs to step up and call a Spade a Spade.

6 Sports Pet Peaves

A few random pet peaves that have irked me lately.

I touched on this in an earlier blog "Bad Sports Stereotype", but I have a few more:

1. When a football announcer says 8 men in the box. 10 years ago it was a cool (kind of like splashing Gatorade on a winning coach), but when you hear the guy behind you at games use the term, its no longer cool, its annoying.

2. Here's one that you don't see anymore. Whenever a pro football team succeeds or fails on Special Teams, the camera shot of the succeeding or failing team's Special Teams coach. They don't do that anymore, it use to be a PP. Now I kind of miss it.

3. Speaking of camera shots at games. Who is sick of the parent/family shot in the crowd at College games. During the 1999 NCAA Tournament, I must have seen Wally Szerbiak's dad 473 times. And after each shot, must have hear that he played professionally each time. Seriously, who cares?

4. Big Money teams (New York Yankees) paying unproven players (Mark Texiera) $20 Million per year. For those that are fans of small market baseball teams, the gap just got wider. MVPs like Justin Morneau are now forced to play in large markets in order to be paid Fair Market Value. See Blog "The Tampa Bay Have Nots."

5. Parents that say to their children under the age of 10 (or 20 for that matter) that they underachieved in their sporting event (saw it with my own eyes last night and thankfully didn't hear it out of my own mouth).

6. Rival school (Wisconsin) Athletic Directors (Barry Alvarez) who think they can send a letter to a Bowl (Champs Sports Bowl) and request that they can opt out of that bowl in favor of another bowl (Insight/Phoenix).