As most of you know, I'm a die hard Gopher Football fan. Over the last umpteen years, they have just about found every possible way to tear my heart out. Because it is my blog, writing about the specifics of those games is strictly prohibited.
Here they sit at 7-1 (according to our biggest rivals, we haven't beaten anybody), and I can barely enjoy it. Why you ask?
Being a Gopher fan is kind of like being the Loser in Love...always the Bridesmaid, but never the Groom!!!! In my lifetime, we've barely been invited to a wedding, much less an invite to a wedding party.
Cal Stoll era - 1 bowl (probably a lot more in this era), a few big wins, some respectable All Americans.
Joe Salem era - 0 bowls, 1 big win (OSU), and a despicable loss (remember no mention of tough games here).
Lou Holtz era - .5 bowl, 1 big win (Iowa), Full Cupboard of players, Full Cupboard of NCAA Violations
John Gutenkunst era - 1.5 bowls, 1 big win (MI '86), 3 or 4 despicable losses, Cupboard Bare of players and a program bare of enthusiasm
JIm Wacker era - no comment
Glen Mason era - umpteen bowls, a few All Americans, umpteen wedding party invites, zero wedding dresses/tuxes, umpteen despicable losses.
At 7-1, all I can do is sit here and read what I just wrote and think this year has to end sour. Our past doesn't lie and the future schedule just looks way too good not to think this won't end different. Oddly enough, that makes this 7-1 run so far, almost as hard as the 1-11 run last year.
Here are 4 predictable outcomes for the worse and 1 for the good:
1. We lose Saturday and the "I-told-you-sos" come flying at me like the Alfred Hitchcock movie the "Birds".
2. We beat NW, then lose to Michigan. "You guys can't even beat Michigan when Michigan is at it's worst....you'll never be a conteda"
3. Somehow we beat NW and MI and we lose to Wisconsin at Camp Randall. "You finally played a real team, and you finally were exposed....see you at the Sun Bowl (thank God we don't play in the Sun Bowl anymore)." You see, most Gopher critics are so dumb that they don't even know the Big Ten Bowl Alliances.
4. We win 2 or (God forbid) all 3 of the next 3 and then lose to Iowa. The Gophers likely will get an updgraded bowl appearance (one that I will attend no matter the destination), but they will most likely be kept out of a New Year's Day Bowl. "See, the Gophers are just not NYD material."
The pain goes on.
Here is my 1 good scenario (and has 5-10% likelihood):
1. Gophers win out, Penn State wins out. Rose Bowl requests the owners of the Axe, Pig and Little Brown Jug to attend their Parade and Football game on NYD (one can only dream)!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
The Tampa Bay Have Nots
As I prepare to cheer for the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays the rest of the way, I wanted to do a little research on team payrolls. Every baseball fan knows there are 3 types of teams:
The Haves - These teams are usually in a big city, have a big fan base, big TV contract, and a legitimate chance to win every year (see NY, CHI, LA, ATL, SF).
The Sorta Haves - These teams are not as big as the Haves, but have a shot because they'll buy the right player given the right situation (see Phillies, Giants, Astros) or sometimes they buy the wrong player (see Phillies, Giants, Astros). It seems every year there's a Sorta Have in the mix (this year its the Phils).
The Have Nots - These are the teams that usually have nothing (see Pirates, Expos/Nationals, Royals). There are a few Have Nots that rise up occasionally but eventually are put to bed by a HAVE in the playoffs (Oakland, Minnesota, San Diego). And then there is the very occasional Have Not who rises up and wins (see Marlins 2003...thank you Steve Bartman).
As I chopped up these categories there were 6 teams that jumped out at me that were not in the right category:
Detroit Tigers and Seattle Mariners (back to the Sorta Haves, you Frauds!). Brewers and Reds (once a Have Not always a Have Not). And finally, the Giants and Rangers (big market/city, big TV contract teams should equal bigger salaries you guys, bust open your wallet for crying out loud).
So when you dial in a MLB playoff game this Fall, cheer for the (Devil) Rays...they're this year's winner of the 2008 BEST TEAM MONEY CAN BUY AWARD (The 2008BTMCBA).
Here are few team's in the opposite situation:
1. Detroit Tigers $138 Mil (hands down loser)
2. NY Mets/Yankees (neither qualified for postseason play for a combined $350 mil)
3. Seattle/Atlanta (no excuse for this kind of spending and that poor of performance)
4. Marlins (c'mon $21 million, that number would make Calvin Griffith blush)
The HAVES
Yankees $209 Million
Tigers $138 Million
Mets $138 Million
BoSox $133 Million
ChiSox $121 Million
Angels $119 Million
Cubs $118 Million
Dodgers $118 Million
Mariners $117 Million
Braves $102 Million
The Sorta HAVES
Cards $100 Million
Blue Jays $98 Million
Phillies $98 Million
Astros $88 Million
Brewers $81 Million
Indians $78 Million
Giants $76 Million
Reds $74 Million
Padres $73 Million
Rockies $68 Million
HAVE NOTS
Rangers $68 Million
Orioles $67 Million
D'backs $66 Million
Twins $62 Million
Royals $58 Million
Nats $54Million
Pirates $49 Million
Athletics $47 Million
Rays $43 Million
Marlins $21 Million
The Haves - These teams are usually in a big city, have a big fan base, big TV contract, and a legitimate chance to win every year (see NY, CHI, LA, ATL, SF).
The Sorta Haves - These teams are not as big as the Haves, but have a shot because they'll buy the right player given the right situation (see Phillies, Giants, Astros) or sometimes they buy the wrong player (see Phillies, Giants, Astros). It seems every year there's a Sorta Have in the mix (this year its the Phils).
The Have Nots - These are the teams that usually have nothing (see Pirates, Expos/Nationals, Royals). There are a few Have Nots that rise up occasionally but eventually are put to bed by a HAVE in the playoffs (Oakland, Minnesota, San Diego). And then there is the very occasional Have Not who rises up and wins (see Marlins 2003...thank you Steve Bartman).
As I chopped up these categories there were 6 teams that jumped out at me that were not in the right category:
Detroit Tigers and Seattle Mariners (back to the Sorta Haves, you Frauds!). Brewers and Reds (once a Have Not always a Have Not). And finally, the Giants and Rangers (big market/city, big TV contract teams should equal bigger salaries you guys, bust open your wallet for crying out loud).
So when you dial in a MLB playoff game this Fall, cheer for the (Devil) Rays...they're this year's winner of the 2008 BEST TEAM MONEY CAN BUY AWARD (The 2008BTMCBA).
Here are few team's in the opposite situation:
1. Detroit Tigers $138 Mil (hands down loser)
2. NY Mets/Yankees (neither qualified for postseason play for a combined $350 mil)
3. Seattle/Atlanta (no excuse for this kind of spending and that poor of performance)
4. Marlins (c'mon $21 million, that number would make Calvin Griffith blush)
The HAVES
Yankees $209 Million
Tigers $138 Million
Mets $138 Million
BoSox $133 Million
ChiSox $121 Million
Angels $119 Million
Cubs $118 Million
Dodgers $118 Million
Mariners $117 Million
Braves $102 Million
The Sorta HAVES
Cards $100 Million
Blue Jays $98 Million
Phillies $98 Million
Astros $88 Million
Brewers $81 Million
Indians $78 Million
Giants $76 Million
Reds $74 Million
Padres $73 Million
Rockies $68 Million
HAVE NOTS
Rangers $68 Million
Orioles $67 Million
D'backs $66 Million
Twins $62 Million
Royals $58 Million
Nats $54Million
Pirates $49 Million
Athletics $47 Million
Rays $43 Million
Marlins $21 Million
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