As most of you know, I'm a die hard Gopher Football fan. Over the last umpteen years, they have just about found every possible way to tear my heart out. Because it is my blog, writing about the specifics of those games is strictly prohibited.
Here they sit at 7-1 (according to our biggest rivals, we haven't beaten anybody), and I can barely enjoy it. Why you ask?
Being a Gopher fan is kind of like being the Loser in Love...always the Bridesmaid, but never the Groom!!!! In my lifetime, we've barely been invited to a wedding, much less an invite to a wedding party.
Cal Stoll era - 1 bowl (probably a lot more in this era), a few big wins, some respectable All Americans.
Joe Salem era - 0 bowls, 1 big win (OSU), and a despicable loss (remember no mention of tough games here).
Lou Holtz era - .5 bowl, 1 big win (Iowa), Full Cupboard of players, Full Cupboard of NCAA Violations
John Gutenkunst era - 1.5 bowls, 1 big win (MI '86), 3 or 4 despicable losses, Cupboard Bare of players and a program bare of enthusiasm
JIm Wacker era - no comment
Glen Mason era - umpteen bowls, a few All Americans, umpteen wedding party invites, zero wedding dresses/tuxes, umpteen despicable losses.
At 7-1, all I can do is sit here and read what I just wrote and think this year has to end sour. Our past doesn't lie and the future schedule just looks way too good not to think this won't end different. Oddly enough, that makes this 7-1 run so far, almost as hard as the 1-11 run last year.
Here are 4 predictable outcomes for the worse and 1 for the good:
1. We lose Saturday and the "I-told-you-sos" come flying at me like the Alfred Hitchcock movie the "Birds".
2. We beat NW, then lose to Michigan. "You guys can't even beat Michigan when Michigan is at it's worst....you'll never be a conteda"
3. Somehow we beat NW and MI and we lose to Wisconsin at Camp Randall. "You finally played a real team, and you finally were exposed....see you at the Sun Bowl (thank God we don't play in the Sun Bowl anymore)." You see, most Gopher critics are so dumb that they don't even know the Big Ten Bowl Alliances.
4. We win 2 or (God forbid) all 3 of the next 3 and then lose to Iowa. The Gophers likely will get an updgraded bowl appearance (one that I will attend no matter the destination), but they will most likely be kept out of a New Year's Day Bowl. "See, the Gophers are just not NYD material."
The pain goes on.
Here is my 1 good scenario (and has 5-10% likelihood):
1. Gophers win out, Penn State wins out. Rose Bowl requests the owners of the Axe, Pig and Little Brown Jug to attend their Parade and Football game on NYD (one can only dream)!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
The Tampa Bay Have Nots
As I prepare to cheer for the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays the rest of the way, I wanted to do a little research on team payrolls. Every baseball fan knows there are 3 types of teams:
The Haves - These teams are usually in a big city, have a big fan base, big TV contract, and a legitimate chance to win every year (see NY, CHI, LA, ATL, SF).
The Sorta Haves - These teams are not as big as the Haves, but have a shot because they'll buy the right player given the right situation (see Phillies, Giants, Astros) or sometimes they buy the wrong player (see Phillies, Giants, Astros). It seems every year there's a Sorta Have in the mix (this year its the Phils).
The Have Nots - These are the teams that usually have nothing (see Pirates, Expos/Nationals, Royals). There are a few Have Nots that rise up occasionally but eventually are put to bed by a HAVE in the playoffs (Oakland, Minnesota, San Diego). And then there is the very occasional Have Not who rises up and wins (see Marlins 2003...thank you Steve Bartman).
As I chopped up these categories there were 6 teams that jumped out at me that were not in the right category:
Detroit Tigers and Seattle Mariners (back to the Sorta Haves, you Frauds!). Brewers and Reds (once a Have Not always a Have Not). And finally, the Giants and Rangers (big market/city, big TV contract teams should equal bigger salaries you guys, bust open your wallet for crying out loud).
So when you dial in a MLB playoff game this Fall, cheer for the (Devil) Rays...they're this year's winner of the 2008 BEST TEAM MONEY CAN BUY AWARD (The 2008BTMCBA).
Here are few team's in the opposite situation:
1. Detroit Tigers $138 Mil (hands down loser)
2. NY Mets/Yankees (neither qualified for postseason play for a combined $350 mil)
3. Seattle/Atlanta (no excuse for this kind of spending and that poor of performance)
4. Marlins (c'mon $21 million, that number would make Calvin Griffith blush)
The HAVES
Yankees $209 Million
Tigers $138 Million
Mets $138 Million
BoSox $133 Million
ChiSox $121 Million
Angels $119 Million
Cubs $118 Million
Dodgers $118 Million
Mariners $117 Million
Braves $102 Million
The Sorta HAVES
Cards $100 Million
Blue Jays $98 Million
Phillies $98 Million
Astros $88 Million
Brewers $81 Million
Indians $78 Million
Giants $76 Million
Reds $74 Million
Padres $73 Million
Rockies $68 Million
HAVE NOTS
Rangers $68 Million
Orioles $67 Million
D'backs $66 Million
Twins $62 Million
Royals $58 Million
Nats $54Million
Pirates $49 Million
Athletics $47 Million
Rays $43 Million
Marlins $21 Million
The Haves - These teams are usually in a big city, have a big fan base, big TV contract, and a legitimate chance to win every year (see NY, CHI, LA, ATL, SF).
The Sorta Haves - These teams are not as big as the Haves, but have a shot because they'll buy the right player given the right situation (see Phillies, Giants, Astros) or sometimes they buy the wrong player (see Phillies, Giants, Astros). It seems every year there's a Sorta Have in the mix (this year its the Phils).
The Have Nots - These are the teams that usually have nothing (see Pirates, Expos/Nationals, Royals). There are a few Have Nots that rise up occasionally but eventually are put to bed by a HAVE in the playoffs (Oakland, Minnesota, San Diego). And then there is the very occasional Have Not who rises up and wins (see Marlins 2003...thank you Steve Bartman).
As I chopped up these categories there were 6 teams that jumped out at me that were not in the right category:
Detroit Tigers and Seattle Mariners (back to the Sorta Haves, you Frauds!). Brewers and Reds (once a Have Not always a Have Not). And finally, the Giants and Rangers (big market/city, big TV contract teams should equal bigger salaries you guys, bust open your wallet for crying out loud).
So when you dial in a MLB playoff game this Fall, cheer for the (Devil) Rays...they're this year's winner of the 2008 BEST TEAM MONEY CAN BUY AWARD (The 2008BTMCBA).
Here are few team's in the opposite situation:
1. Detroit Tigers $138 Mil (hands down loser)
2. NY Mets/Yankees (neither qualified for postseason play for a combined $350 mil)
3. Seattle/Atlanta (no excuse for this kind of spending and that poor of performance)
4. Marlins (c'mon $21 million, that number would make Calvin Griffith blush)
The HAVES
Yankees $209 Million
Tigers $138 Million
Mets $138 Million
BoSox $133 Million
ChiSox $121 Million
Angels $119 Million
Cubs $118 Million
Dodgers $118 Million
Mariners $117 Million
Braves $102 Million
The Sorta HAVES
Cards $100 Million
Blue Jays $98 Million
Phillies $98 Million
Astros $88 Million
Brewers $81 Million
Indians $78 Million
Giants $76 Million
Reds $74 Million
Padres $73 Million
Rockies $68 Million
HAVE NOTS
Rangers $68 Million
Orioles $67 Million
D'backs $66 Million
Twins $62 Million
Royals $58 Million
Nats $54Million
Pirates $49 Million
Athletics $47 Million
Rays $43 Million
Marlins $21 Million
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Who's Your Tom Chorske
Background: I grew up with Tom Chorske (for those outside of MN, he played NHL hockey for 10 years, in MN that's a big deal). Tom was (and still is to some degree) everybody's All American...great athlete, great student, great guy, etc. In a lot of circles (namely Minnesota, namely hockey) Tom became "famous".
Invariably (once a month at least) I will run into a person from the past (classmate, teacher, coach, neighbor, principal, etc) and the second question they ask me (after how are you doing?)is are you still in touch with TOM CHORSKE? No lie. After a while, I have just come to realize that people are infatuated with fame/famous people.
So, the other day Tom and I were talking and I'm telling him about the most recent "are you still in touch with Tom Chorske?". It was a Principal at our elementary school. No lie. As he and I were chuckling, Tom says, "that's nothing, you don't know how many times I have to answer a question about Marty Brodeur (legendary NHL goalies) or fill in the blank NHL great."
After that line, I felt lucky to only have one of these instances occasionally.
How about you guys. Who is your Tom Chorske?
Criteria:
Someone Famous
Someone Infamous
Someone you're somewhat associated with
Invariably (once a month at least) I will run into a person from the past (classmate, teacher, coach, neighbor, principal, etc) and the second question they ask me (after how are you doing?)is are you still in touch with TOM CHORSKE? No lie. After a while, I have just come to realize that people are infatuated with fame/famous people.
So, the other day Tom and I were talking and I'm telling him about the most recent "are you still in touch with Tom Chorske?". It was a Principal at our elementary school. No lie. As he and I were chuckling, Tom says, "that's nothing, you don't know how many times I have to answer a question about Marty Brodeur (legendary NHL goalies) or fill in the blank NHL great."
After that line, I felt lucky to only have one of these instances occasionally.
How about you guys. Who is your Tom Chorske?
Criteria:
Someone Famous
Someone Infamous
Someone you're somewhat associated with
Thursday, August 28, 2008
College Football Preview
NCAA Champ: Ohio State (they'll beat the SEC Champ this year unless the Pac 10 champ is undefeated)
Heisman: Tim (Herschel Walker) Tebow
Breakout Teams: Remember Kansas, Illinois and Missouri last year? This year it's Arkansas, Pitt, and UCLA.
Traditional Power Disappointments: Alabama, Michigan, and my favorite every year...Notre Dame. Charlie (don't call me Patrick Reusse) Weis will be sitting on a hot seat come November.
Minnesota Prediction: 4-8
One Hit Wonders: Illinois, Kansas and Notre Dame
Hot Seat: Kirk Ferentz
BCS Teams I wouldn't watch if there wasn't anything else on: Oklahoma State, Oregon State, Arizona and almost all of the Big East, except Pitt (seriously, who would watch them?)
I Can't Think of anything nice to say Award: Bret Bielema
Sidebar Opinion: Was watching Big Ten Network the other night and Glen Mason was on giving his prediction/analysis for the Penn State/Coastal Carolina game (no, I did not stay tuned in for long). On several occasions, the color guy kept referring to Glen as "Coach" and "Coach Glen Mason". Did I miss something? The last time I checked, Glen Mason is no longer coaching. For that matter, neither is John Cooper, Lou Holtz, Bobby Knight, etc. PLEASE STOP CALLING THESE GUYS COACH!
Heisman: Tim (Herschel Walker) Tebow
Breakout Teams: Remember Kansas, Illinois and Missouri last year? This year it's Arkansas, Pitt, and UCLA.
Traditional Power Disappointments: Alabama, Michigan, and my favorite every year...Notre Dame. Charlie (don't call me Patrick Reusse) Weis will be sitting on a hot seat come November.
Minnesota Prediction: 4-8
One Hit Wonders: Illinois, Kansas and Notre Dame
Hot Seat: Kirk Ferentz
BCS Teams I wouldn't watch if there wasn't anything else on: Oklahoma State, Oregon State, Arizona and almost all of the Big East, except Pitt (seriously, who would watch them?)
I Can't Think of anything nice to say Award: Bret Bielema
Sidebar Opinion: Was watching Big Ten Network the other night and Glen Mason was on giving his prediction/analysis for the Penn State/Coastal Carolina game (no, I did not stay tuned in for long). On several occasions, the color guy kept referring to Glen as "Coach" and "Coach Glen Mason". Did I miss something? The last time I checked, Glen Mason is no longer coaching. For that matter, neither is John Cooper, Lou Holtz, Bobby Knight, etc. PLEASE STOP CALLING THESE GUYS COACH!
Monday, August 11, 2008
Are you kidding?
Note: I've had some choice moments to blog on lately (see Sergio yesterday at the PGA) but nothing with a ton of meat on the bone (see my helpless Twins somehow in a pennant race?).
But then it happened, I received my Gopher Football Tickets in the mail. An annual rite of passage for a diehard fan like myself. Ah, the ticket design, the opposing teams, sizing up wins and losses and so on and so on. You get the picture right?
I get to the Iowa game and for those keeping score at home that is the last game the Gophers will play the Metrodome. The ticket is different shaped (it's square) and its got pictures of all kinds of recent Gophers on there (Tyrone Carter, Darrell Thompson, Ben Hamilton, etc). But the 6 words on the bottom made me throw up in my mouth. Quote "Celebrating 27 years in the Metrodome" End Quote. Do I need to say another word? Since it's a sports blog I think its my rite of passage to lament the worst 27 years of my football watching life.
First of all the words celebrate and Metrodome should never be allowed in the same sentance, much less thought, daydream, or haiku.
Since there have been so many bad moments in the Metrodome (note: any response poking fun at the team's poor performance the past 27 years will be censored).....nothing needs to be written on that. It's well documented.
Here are 5 highlights (short list):
1. 1993 Wisconsin. 6:00 start to a Wisconsin/Minnesota game on a 70 degree fall day was a bad recipe for loud drunkeness from both sides. The Dome roof nearly came off on one of the final plays of the game (Rosga INT).
2. 1984 Iowa. Chip Lohmiller hits a 60 yard field goal at halftime.
3. 1998 Michigan State. 10 points in the final 2 minutes...Homecoming win. This Fall will mark the 10 year anniversary of my last hangover.
4. 1999 Penn State. Okay this victory didn't happen at the Metrodome (you see my point yet?). Minnesota defeats then unbeaten ranked #2 PSU on the final play of the game (Nystrom FG). Note: I was there. I was also there in 1997 when the Big Ten officials gift wrapped a victory for their beloved JoPa making this victory very sweet.
5. 2008 Iowa. Final game at the Metrodome.
If you have any highlights...please add below. Save the wisecracks. Trust me, I've heard 'em all.
P.S. Also, in my season ticket packet was a future schedule. Within a 4 week span next fall, these 3 teams will be playing at TCF Bank Stadium: September 12 - Air Force, September 19 - California, and October 3 - Wisconsin. Only 7 more games to go!
But then it happened, I received my Gopher Football Tickets in the mail. An annual rite of passage for a diehard fan like myself. Ah, the ticket design, the opposing teams, sizing up wins and losses and so on and so on. You get the picture right?
I get to the Iowa game and for those keeping score at home that is the last game the Gophers will play the Metrodome. The ticket is different shaped (it's square) and its got pictures of all kinds of recent Gophers on there (Tyrone Carter, Darrell Thompson, Ben Hamilton, etc). But the 6 words on the bottom made me throw up in my mouth. Quote "Celebrating 27 years in the Metrodome" End Quote. Do I need to say another word? Since it's a sports blog I think its my rite of passage to lament the worst 27 years of my football watching life.
First of all the words celebrate and Metrodome should never be allowed in the same sentance, much less thought, daydream, or haiku.
Since there have been so many bad moments in the Metrodome (note: any response poking fun at the team's poor performance the past 27 years will be censored).....nothing needs to be written on that. It's well documented.
Here are 5 highlights (short list):
1. 1993 Wisconsin. 6:00 start to a Wisconsin/Minnesota game on a 70 degree fall day was a bad recipe for loud drunkeness from both sides. The Dome roof nearly came off on one of the final plays of the game (Rosga INT).
2. 1984 Iowa. Chip Lohmiller hits a 60 yard field goal at halftime.
3. 1998 Michigan State. 10 points in the final 2 minutes...Homecoming win. This Fall will mark the 10 year anniversary of my last hangover.
4. 1999 Penn State. Okay this victory didn't happen at the Metrodome (you see my point yet?). Minnesota defeats then unbeaten ranked #2 PSU on the final play of the game (Nystrom FG). Note: I was there. I was also there in 1997 when the Big Ten officials gift wrapped a victory for their beloved JoPa making this victory very sweet.
5. 2008 Iowa. Final game at the Metrodome.
If you have any highlights...please add below. Save the wisecracks. Trust me, I've heard 'em all.
P.S. Also, in my season ticket packet was a future schedule. Within a 4 week span next fall, these 3 teams will be playing at TCF Bank Stadium: September 12 - Air Force, September 19 - California, and October 3 - Wisconsin. Only 7 more games to go!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
The Sports World is Getting Back to Normal
The last few years of sport has been pretty crazy and unpredictable (see 2004 Red Sox, Michael Vick, last year's Super Bowl...). However the last few weeks I've noticed that things are getting back to normal:
1. Celtics/Lakers: Are you kidding? One of the best rivalries in sports and the games are actually fun to watch. Even NBA haters have to like what they are seeing (mostly good guys playing hard every time down the court for a full 48 minutes).
2. Wings win Cup: Like the Swallows returning to Capistrano every year in the Spring, it seems that the Red Wings are always contending for the Stanley Cup. This year was no different.
3. Gopher Football Predicted to finish just ahead of Northwestern this Fall: Enough Said.
4. Triple Crown Hopes Crushed: Big Brown loses in his bid to win the Triple Crown. Aaaaah, that's more like it. Oddly enough, I cheered against this Colt. Trainer Rick Dutrow made Bob Baffert (the horse racing equivalent to Bob Huggins) look like Santa Claus. Too bad, because Kent Desourmeaux (the jockey) seems like a pretty likable guy.
5. Timberwolves in Lottery: Ok that is almost every year, but when it happens I get all warm and fuzzy inside knowing that the sports world is running it's normal course.
This could only mean one thing...the Vikings will lose in the Super Bowl to a traditional power from the AFC (is New England a traditional power now that they've won a few Super Bowls?).
Any other signs of normalcy?
1. Celtics/Lakers: Are you kidding? One of the best rivalries in sports and the games are actually fun to watch. Even NBA haters have to like what they are seeing (mostly good guys playing hard every time down the court for a full 48 minutes).
2. Wings win Cup: Like the Swallows returning to Capistrano every year in the Spring, it seems that the Red Wings are always contending for the Stanley Cup. This year was no different.
3. Gopher Football Predicted to finish just ahead of Northwestern this Fall: Enough Said.
4. Triple Crown Hopes Crushed: Big Brown loses in his bid to win the Triple Crown. Aaaaah, that's more like it. Oddly enough, I cheered against this Colt. Trainer Rick Dutrow made Bob Baffert (the horse racing equivalent to Bob Huggins) look like Santa Claus. Too bad, because Kent Desourmeaux (the jockey) seems like a pretty likable guy.
5. Timberwolves in Lottery: Ok that is almost every year, but when it happens I get all warm and fuzzy inside knowing that the sports world is running it's normal course.
This could only mean one thing...the Vikings will lose in the Super Bowl to a traditional power from the AFC (is New England a traditional power now that they've won a few Super Bowls?).
Any other signs of normalcy?
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Evil vs. Evil
Flashback....1991 Duke beats UNLV in the national semifinal to play Kansas in the Championship game. Here I was a Duke Hater and a Kansas Hater trying to settle in for a great basketball game. Dook: Bobby Hurley, Christian Laettner, and Grant Hill those three names should cause most to throw up in their mouth. KU: Mark Randall, Alonzo Jamison and Adonis Jordan -okay I couldn't name one of these guys...Google is sweet - the point of this blog is I usually cheer against TRADITIONAL POWERS.
What prompted this blog was the disappointment I faced Friday night when both Benilde St. Margarets (National Viewers: the equivalent to Gonzaga - up and coming power with a lot of recent success and big wins) lost to Edina (NV: The USC of MN High School Hockey: Money, Titles, Hot Cheerleaders, everyone's rival). I was okay with Edina winning, because it was a great game and it was the team I wanted to see lose in the Finals most. Then it happened. Yep. The little engine that could got thrown off the track. Roseau (NV: Green Bay Packers, very small town, steep tradition, Northern Minnesota, and rabid fans) plays Hill Murray (NV: They're like Notre Dame or as some call them the St. Paul All-Stars, Catholic, strong tradition, no one likes them unless they went there or know someone who went there). Hill Murray upsets Roseau (yes, the Rams were 28-0 and beat everyone badly until that fateful Friday night). Wasn't even close, the All Stars beat the Rams and then went on to thump the mighty hornets of Edina. Didn't see it, just like I didn't see the game in 1991. Here are some other Traditional Power Championship match-ups I wouldn't watch:
NCAAF: Notre Dame v. Texas
NCAAB: Dook v. UCLA
MLB: Yankees v. Dodgers
NCAAH: Michigan v. Boston College
NFL, NHL, or NBA: The days of traditional powers are pretty much gone. Teams I routinely cheer against: Cowboys, Wings, and Lakers. The problem is if either of those teams was in the finals I'd be fine cheering for any of the teams they were playing (e.g. Patriots, Devils, Celtics).
Can't wait to hear from the Peanut Gallery...its been a while. If you can't get reply to this post, simply send me an email and I will post it.
TZ
What prompted this blog was the disappointment I faced Friday night when both Benilde St. Margarets (National Viewers: the equivalent to Gonzaga - up and coming power with a lot of recent success and big wins) lost to Edina (NV: The USC of MN High School Hockey: Money, Titles, Hot Cheerleaders, everyone's rival). I was okay with Edina winning, because it was a great game and it was the team I wanted to see lose in the Finals most. Then it happened. Yep. The little engine that could got thrown off the track. Roseau (NV: Green Bay Packers, very small town, steep tradition, Northern Minnesota, and rabid fans) plays Hill Murray (NV: They're like Notre Dame or as some call them the St. Paul All-Stars, Catholic, strong tradition, no one likes them unless they went there or know someone who went there). Hill Murray upsets Roseau (yes, the Rams were 28-0 and beat everyone badly until that fateful Friday night). Wasn't even close, the All Stars beat the Rams and then went on to thump the mighty hornets of Edina. Didn't see it, just like I didn't see the game in 1991. Here are some other Traditional Power Championship match-ups I wouldn't watch:
NCAAF: Notre Dame v. Texas
NCAAB: Dook v. UCLA
MLB: Yankees v. Dodgers
NCAAH: Michigan v. Boston College
NFL, NHL, or NBA: The days of traditional powers are pretty much gone. Teams I routinely cheer against: Cowboys, Wings, and Lakers. The problem is if either of those teams was in the finals I'd be fine cheering for any of the teams they were playing (e.g. Patriots, Devils, Celtics).
Can't wait to hear from the Peanut Gallery...its been a while. If you can't get reply to this post, simply send me an email and I will post it.
TZ
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