Baseball's Axis of Evil

Pitchers and Catchers reporting to Spring Training gets me thinking about the ice rinks melting, dirty windshields, and roads filled with sand and potholes (i.e. the good life in MN).  As I sit here 3 days from March, the rinks are no where near melted, there is still snow on the roads and the windshield is as clean as a whistle thanks to the 15-20 degree temperature.

If you think that is a downer, imagine being the GM of the MN Twins (Billy Smith).  Everyday you gotta wake up and deal with the Axis of Evil in MLB: Scott Boras (this guy would make Huggy Bear ashamed), Hank Steinbrenner (author of the soon to be best seller, "How I ruined the Yankees") and Donald Fehr (this guy is pictured in Webster's under Extortion).

Boras:  The well known agent who gets under performing free agents $20 million contracts from Baby Hank (almost as hard to do as getting Adam Sandler $20 million after he did Billy Madison, but somehow he does it).

Baby Hank: Pockets so deep that sometimes he trips over them on his way to the Yacht auction.  He signs players because they did well on his fantasy team.  He must be a Knicks season ticket holder, too.

Donald Fehr:  I'm still trying to figure out who this guy is helping...is it the players? If so, I'm happy for the 500 or so guys that are sitting on the best lottery ticket of all time.  He definitely doesn't have the fans best interest or Billy Smith's for that matter.  As long as MLB doesn't have a salary cap, the sport isn't a sport.  Rich teams buy titles.  Little teams manage to stay afloat.  See Haves and Have Nots blog for an education on the disparity in MLB.

I had the chance to meet Billy Smith recently.  I asked him who he dislikes the most of the 3.  His answer was honest but predictable:  Boras is doing job (and he does it well).  Fehr is doing his job (and he does it well).  "Steinbrenner is the one signing the checks, so you do the math." Good stuff Billy, good stuff.

I personally think it's Fehr.  He's the one who has kept the competitive balance in the league out of whack and that's what gets my goat as a fan.  I know it sounds like I'm whining (and I probably am), but its frustrating to watch every other major league sport and know when the season starts that each team pretty much pays their players the same amount of money...give or take 10 to 20 million.  In MLB the scale is disproportionate.

I'm done.

PS I have my first female reader...welcome Michelle (okay, I begged her to be on the list).  She may have a good baseball take or two or 200 (who knows?).

Rudy Martzke on Tom Hamilton

Rudy Martzke is one of my favorite columnists, not because of how he writes, but what he writes about. Rudy (more so in the past than today) writes about broadcasters, broadcast efforts, TV/Radio contracts, etc (the game outside the game per se).

So today, I'm going to do my best Rudy Martzke on a game I watched last night between MN and WI. Broadcast team of Tom Hamilton (yes, the Cleveland Indians radio voice) and Jim Jackson.

Opening set: Hamilton immediately turns off the viewer with possibly the worst pun I've heard since Johnny Carson left his Burbank studios: "Its cold outside, but its going to be hot inside the Kohl Center". Seriously? Same set he tells us that his partner is Jim Jackson, the two-time Big Ten player of the year. This is good information to know, but he told us that he was 2 time BTPOY 3 more times, and 3 other times that he was All BT. Do we really need to be told this 7 times?

Game Notes 1: Hamilton must be reading from a script that reads like a Shampoo bottle:  (insert robotic voice) Say Bo Ryan is a good coach, Say Al Nolen is a good point guard, say The Badgers are 568-3 at the Kohl Center, Lawrence Westbrook is the cousin of Philadelphia Eagle RB Bryant Westrook, (Repeat) Bo Ryan is a good coach....

Game Notes 2: As the play continues Jackson actually adds quality insight as to why WI is handing to MN.  His analysis is spot on, his terminology is fresh and he doesn't have some whacky schtick (I wish more color guys would follow his lead). Maybe because he's my age he also throws in a reference or two from his generation. Last night he made a Chris Jent reference (as much as this guy boiled my blood...it actually was fresh and applicable).

Game Notes 3 (more Hamilton bashing): As the game progresses to our favor, Hamilton stays with the script but tweaks it a hair..."if the Badgers were to lose it will make their record 568-4 at the Kohl Center" and other thought provoking gems like "this win might be a sign of things to come for the entire Westbrook family this week"

Hamilton in Review: I swear his brain can only calibrate so much data, probably because it is so busy waiting for a guy to make a 3 pointer so he can say "Triple" instead of 3 pointer.

Jackson in Review: Very high rank for a second year guy...much better than Kevin Lynch, Mike Kelley.  I'd say he's a rising star (Greg Kelser type).  Don't think he'll make it to Clark Kellogg status, but he's got a future.  Wish he would be a little more opinionated (show some judgement about someone's play).  Like last night, they treated Al Nolen (who played horrible) like a white elephant in the room.  He played terrible, would someone in the booth stand up and say it...please?  Jason Bohanan (aka BoneHead) takes the ball to the basket and tries to win the game with 30 seconds left, only to have it swatted away leading to a game tying set of threes by the Gophers.  Jackson needs to step up and call a Spade a Spade.

6 Sports Pet Peaves

A few random pet peaves that have irked me lately.

I touched on this in an earlier blog "Bad Sports Stereotype", but I have a few more:

1. When a football announcer says 8 men in the box. 10 years ago it was a cool (kind of like splashing Gatorade on a winning coach), but when you hear the guy behind you at games use the term, its no longer cool, its annoying.

2. Here's one that you don't see anymore. Whenever a pro football team succeeds or fails on Special Teams, the camera shot of the succeeding or failing team's Special Teams coach. They don't do that anymore, it use to be a PP. Now I kind of miss it.

3. Speaking of camera shots at games. Who is sick of the parent/family shot in the crowd at College games. During the 1999 NCAA Tournament, I must have seen Wally Szerbiak's dad 473 times. And after each shot, must have hear that he played professionally each time. Seriously, who cares?

4. Big Money teams (New York Yankees) paying unproven players (Mark Texiera) $20 Million per year. For those that are fans of small market baseball teams, the gap just got wider. MVPs like Justin Morneau are now forced to play in large markets in order to be paid Fair Market Value. See Blog "The Tampa Bay Have Nots."

5. Parents that say to their children under the age of 10 (or 20 for that matter) that they underachieved in their sporting event (saw it with my own eyes last night and thankfully didn't hear it out of my own mouth).

6. Rival school (Wisconsin) Athletic Directors (Barry Alvarez) who think they can send a letter to a Bowl (Champs Sports Bowl) and request that they can opt out of that bowl in favor of another bowl (Insight/Phoenix).

Sucks to be Gopher Fan

As most of you know, I'm a die hard Gopher Football fan. Over the last umpteen years, they have just about found every possible way to tear my heart out. Because it is my blog, writing about the specifics of those games is strictly prohibited.

Here they sit at 7-1 (according to our biggest rivals, we haven't beaten anybody), and I can barely enjoy it. Why you ask?

Being a Gopher fan is kind of like being the Loser in Love...always the Bridesmaid, but never the Groom!!!! In my lifetime, we've barely been invited to a wedding, much less an invite to a wedding party.

Cal Stoll era - 1 bowl (probably a lot more in this era), a few big wins, some respectable All Americans.
Joe Salem era - 0 bowls, 1 big win (OSU), and a despicable loss (remember no mention of tough games here).
Lou Holtz era - .5 bowl, 1 big win (Iowa), Full Cupboard of players, Full Cupboard of NCAA Violations
John Gutenkunst era - 1.5 bowls, 1 big win (MI '86), 3 or 4 despicable losses, Cupboard Bare of players and a program bare of enthusiasm
JIm Wacker era - no comment
Glen Mason era - umpteen bowls, a few All Americans, umpteen wedding party invites, zero wedding dresses/tuxes, umpteen despicable losses.


At 7-1, all I can do is sit here and read what I just wrote and think this year has to end sour. Our past doesn't lie and the future schedule just looks way too good not to think this won't end different. Oddly enough, that makes this 7-1 run so far, almost as hard as the 1-11 run last year.

Here are 4 predictable outcomes for the worse and 1 for the good:

1. We lose Saturday and the "I-told-you-sos" come flying at me like the Alfred Hitchcock movie the "Birds".
2. We beat NW, then lose to Michigan. "You guys can't even beat Michigan when Michigan is at it's worst....you'll never be a conteda"
3. Somehow we beat NW and MI and we lose to Wisconsin at Camp Randall. "You finally played a real team, and you finally were exposed....see you at the Sun Bowl (thank God we don't play in the Sun Bowl anymore)." You see, most Gopher critics are so dumb that they don't even know the Big Ten Bowl Alliances.
4. We win 2 or (God forbid) all 3 of the next 3 and then lose to Iowa. The Gophers likely will get an updgraded bowl appearance (one that I will attend no matter the destination), but they will most likely be kept out of a New Year's Day Bowl. "See, the Gophers are just not NYD material."

The pain goes on.

Here is my 1 good scenario (and has 5-10% likelihood):

1. Gophers win out, Penn State wins out. Rose Bowl requests the owners of the Axe, Pig and Little Brown Jug to attend their Parade and Football game on NYD (one can only dream)!

The Tampa Bay Have Nots

As I prepare to cheer for the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays the rest of the way, I wanted to do a little research on team payrolls. Every baseball fan knows there are 3 types of teams:

The Haves - These teams are usually in a big city, have a big fan base, big TV contract, and a legitimate chance to win every year (see NY, CHI, LA, ATL, SF).

The Sorta Haves - These teams are not as big as the Haves, but have a shot because they'll buy the right player given the right situation (see Phillies, Giants, Astros) or sometimes they buy the wrong player (see Phillies, Giants, Astros). It seems every year there's a Sorta Have in the mix (this year its the Phils).

The Have Nots - These are the teams that usually have nothing (see Pirates, Expos/Nationals, Royals). There are a few Have Nots that rise up occasionally but eventually are put to bed by a HAVE in the playoffs (Oakland, Minnesota, San Diego). And then there is the very occasional Have Not who rises up and wins (see Marlins 2003...thank you Steve Bartman).

As I chopped up these categories there were 6 teams that jumped out at me that were not in the right category:

Detroit Tigers and Seattle Mariners (back to the Sorta Haves, you Frauds!). Brewers and Reds (once a Have Not always a Have Not). And finally, the Giants and Rangers (big market/city, big TV contract teams should equal bigger salaries you guys, bust open your wallet for crying out loud).

So when you dial in a MLB playoff game this Fall, cheer for the (Devil) Rays...they're this year's winner of the 2008 BEST TEAM MONEY CAN BUY AWARD (The 2008BTMCBA).

Here are few team's in the opposite situation:

1. Detroit Tigers $138 Mil (hands down loser)
2. NY Mets/Yankees (neither qualified for postseason play for a combined $350 mil)
3. Seattle/Atlanta (no excuse for this kind of spending and that poor of performance)
4. Marlins (c'mon $21 million, that number would make Calvin Griffith blush)

The HAVES

Yankees $209 Million
Tigers $138 Million
Mets $138 Million
BoSox $133 Million
ChiSox $121 Million
Angels $119 Million
Cubs $118 Million
Dodgers $118 Million
Mariners $117 Million
Braves $102 Million

The Sorta HAVES
Cards $100 Million
Blue Jays $98 Million
Phillies $98 Million
Astros $88 Million
Brewers $81 Million
Indians $78 Million
Giants $76 Million
Reds $74 Million
Padres $73 Million
Rockies $68 Million

HAVE NOTS

Rangers $68 Million
Orioles $67 Million
D'backs $66 Million
Twins $62 Million
Royals $58 Million
Nats $54Million
Pirates $49 Million
Athletics $47 Million
Rays $43 Million
Marlins $21 Million

Who's Your Tom Chorske

Background: I grew up with Tom Chorske (for those outside of MN, he played NHL hockey for 10 years, in MN that's a big deal). Tom was (and still is to some degree) everybody's All American...great athlete, great student, great guy, etc. In a lot of circles (namely Minnesota, namely hockey) Tom became "famous".

Invariably (once a month at least) I will run into a person from the past (classmate, teacher, coach, neighbor, principal, etc) and the second question they ask me (after how are you doing?)is are you still in touch with TOM CHORSKE? No lie. After a while, I have just come to realize that people are infatuated with fame/famous people.

So, the other day Tom and I were talking and I'm telling him about the most recent "are you still in touch with Tom Chorske?". It was a Principal at our elementary school. No lie. As he and I were chuckling, Tom says, "that's nothing, you don't know how many times I have to answer a question about Marty Brodeur (legendary NHL goalies) or fill in the blank NHL great."

After that line, I felt lucky to only have one of these instances occasionally.

How about you guys. Who is your Tom Chorske?

Criteria:


Someone Famous
Someone Infamous
Someone you're somewhat associated with

College Football Preview

NCAA Champ: Ohio State (they'll beat the SEC Champ this year unless the Pac 10 champ is undefeated)

Heisman: Tim (Herschel Walker) Tebow

Breakout Teams: Remember Kansas, Illinois and Missouri last year? This year it's Arkansas, Pitt, and UCLA.

Traditional Power Disappointments: Alabama, Michigan, and my favorite every year...Notre Dame. Charlie (don't call me Patrick Reusse) Weis will be sitting on a hot seat come November.

Minnesota Prediction: 4-8

One Hit Wonders: Illinois, Kansas and Notre Dame

Hot Seat: Kirk Ferentz

BCS Teams I wouldn't watch if there wasn't anything else on: Oklahoma State, Oregon State, Arizona and almost all of the Big East, except Pitt (seriously, who would watch them?)

I Can't Think of anything nice to say Award: Bret Bielema

Sidebar Opinion: Was watching Big Ten Network the other night and Glen Mason was on giving his prediction/analysis for the Penn State/Coastal Carolina game (no, I did not stay tuned in for long). On several occasions, the color guy kept referring to Glen as "Coach" and "Coach Glen Mason". Did I miss something? The last time I checked, Glen Mason is no longer coaching. For that matter, neither is John Cooper, Lou Holtz, Bobby Knight, etc. PLEASE STOP CALLING THESE GUYS COACH!